52 Ideas For Your Version Of A Grown Up’s Gap Year

How To Run Away and Other (mid) Life Handy Hints

Feel more like yourself again – without turning your life upside down.

Hello you, and welcome!

To celebrate the first birthday of A Grown Up’s Gap Year (which conveniently lands on my 58th birthday too – quiet reminder: never too old, never too late), I wanted to gift you a taster of my forthcoming Directory “How To Runaway and Other Handy Hints For (mid) Life.” It will sit inside The Club – our space for wellbeing, lifestyle and adventure (including travel) – regularly updated as new ideas for your reinvigorated “next bit” cross my desk. Full of travel exclusives, “first to know” advice from the experts, and yes most importantly Community, us!

I firmly believe that when you’re a bit pooped, it helps enormously to have someone say: “These worked for me, they might be fun and useful for you too.”

So with all this in mind, let’s get cracking and find you some SPACE and joyful things to do – 52 of them, one for every week of the year: your version of A Grown Up’s Gap Year. It feels like a pretty decent way to begin a fresh New Year, with you firmly back in the picture of your own life.

Most of the ideas can work around your current circumstances. Use these thought starters as your cue.

You don’t have to do all of them. You don’t have to do any of them. They are simply intended as a curiosity list, possibilities for what might unfold in your “next bit”.

At some point, I highly recommend you decide that your time is worth as much as everyone else’s. And if you do choose ideas from this list, use them as a roadmap and give them an actual date and time, a commitment to yourself to do things differently.

A Grown Up’s Gap Year is the antithesis of a holiday. Whether you are flying around the world or trotting around the corner, the aim is a minimally fixed timetable in order to create emotional freedom – time and freedom to be you.

“Slow down in order to get lost intentionally – that, my darlings, is where the treasure inevitably is found.”

You get to design your own adventure, the next bit of your life. Don’t let over-curation of moments hold you back from letting the unexpected in. Not everything that crosses your path will be for you. But keep eyes and heart open for what might be a perfect fit.

Bon voyage. Off you go, to seek joy as your wingwoman. Whether far flung, or the next neighbourhood.

Because on my watch, your epitaph is not going to read: “F**k, I forgot to live my life.”

Love & hugs,

Monique x

LIFESTYLE & SPACE

Making room for you…

1. Write the ‘I No Longer Tolerate’ List.

Grab a pen. List ten things you’re done putting up with – from domestic tasks to lopsided friendships. Then circle one and begin to make changes this month.

2. Reclaim a room. Lock the door. Repeat.

Claim one corner. A study, a chair, a small table by a window, that is yours. Not shared. Not “for everyone”. Yours.

3. Take yourself out to breakfast, alone. Weekly.

Ask for the table with a view (no ‘solo’ shoved in a back spot).

People watch. Make plans. Bon Appetite!

4. Rent the beach shack

Not “one day”. Book the slightly scruffy, perfectly placed shack or cabin – like Desiree’s humble caravan park cabin by the sea (listen to her Podcast episode here), where you can pad around, read, think, and hear the waves.

5. Start a “What do I want?” list.

Each day, write down one thing you want. Not what everyone else needs from you, what you want. You don’t have to act on all of them. The point is to get used to naming your wants, not filing them under “maybe one day”. A look at the “Find Your Values” guide might help get you started. Once a month, write out your ideal day from start to finish, what floats your boat, solo (and with those you love, if you want to share). Go do it.

6. Get an accountant who ‘gets you’.

Find someone who understands your goals and your version of a ‘next act’, not just your tax return. Money clarity is freedom, empowering. While you’re there, refresh your “financial know-how” by rereading the chapter in A Grown Up’s Gap Year by women’s financial expert Mel Browne.

7. Ask for a career break.

Sabbaticals are not just for academics. Prepare your case, ask clearly, and give your brain and body a proper interval from the “daily (dread)mill”.

You might even look for a fun job while on leave, so you don’t dip too far into savings. I know women who always wanted to work on a tropical island and found a three-month stint including accommodation and meals. “It didn’t feel like work commuting by ferry each morning,” one said on her return.

8. Learn to say, “I don’t do that anymore.”

Practise it in the mirror. Use it on committees, school WhatsApp threads and family logistics. Let it be a full sentence. With “Your Boundary Setting” guide in hand you will nail this manoeuvre that most of us find tricky, faster than you can say, “No thank you, not for me right now”.

9. Find help – and let it in.

Cleaning, gardening, bookkeeping, dog-walking, outsource one part of the circus. Buy back some hours.

10. Get your “Grown Up” paperwork sorted.

Will, power of attorney, super beneficiaries, insurance et al. The vital stuff. It’s not morbid; it’s protective. Knowing your affairs are in order is an act of self-respect, a kindness to everyone who loves you, and a sense of security for you.

11. Put ‘me time’ in your calendar as if it were a client.

Block out one non-negotiable slot each week. Treat it as seriously as you treat everyone else’s needs.

WELLBEING, YOURS

Taking your health seriously

12. Create a sacrosanct morning ritual.

Fifteen minutes. Proper tea (or a HOT coffee), a candle, a stretch, a page in a journal. A ceremony that says, “I matter today.”

13. Treat sleep like your side gig.

Go to bed half an hour earlier for a fortnight. Protect it like you would a cherished possession, because proper sleep should be cherished.

14. Book a baseline health check (for Future You).

Make one appointment with your GP to check bloods, blood pressure, heart health and any screenings you’re due for. Not because something is wrong – because you plan to be around, feeling well, for a long time yet.

15. Create a “minimum standards” wellness plan.

Write your reasonably doable plan, and refer to it regularly (as in more days than not): functional and fitness movement, optimal nutrition, enough water, therapy – whatever keeps you functioning. Hit those first. Take a look at what your private health benefits already cover.

16. Try cold water and heat, safely.

Ocean dips, river swims, cold showers, sauna, or steam. Contrast therapy can be brilliant for mood and mid-life joints. Just get medical clearance first.

17. Take a 30-day break from alcohol.

Not forever. Just long enough to see what shakes loose: deeper sleep, clearer skin, steadier moods, fewer cravings, evenings for strolling and conversation. Rather than slumping on the couch.

18. Do a five-day “feel better” reset.

Five days where you simplify meals, move daily, get outside and switch off screens earlier. No perfection. Just deliberate kindness to your future self. Five Things, Five Days, Feel Better guide here.

19. Join a women’s ocean swim group (or walking crew).

You get movement, community, and a hit of “I can do this” in one go. Try Coastrek or Swimtrek groups.

20. Volunteer your expertise.

Board roles, committees, local causes, and mentoring younger folk. Using your skills for others is a wellbeing strategy. For example, if you love kids and books, reading with children at school or in your community is good for them and oddly calming for you. Story time is nervous system balm. Helping others feels great. (But remember, your own oxygen mask first, showing up for yourself, means you get to show up better for others too).

21. Enrol in something that has nothing to do with being useful.

Ceramics, Italian, improv, a writing class, guitar, forest therapy guide training, or swim-coach accreditation. Choose the thing you’ve quietly wanted to try, and sign up, even if you’re the oldest in the room. Especially if you’re the oldest in the room.

ADVENTURE & TIMEOUT

Escapes big and small

22. Pack a bag as if you’re leaving tomorrow.

Passport, swimmers, favourite book, walking shoes, basic toiletries. Just seeing the bag ready reminds you that you could go. (my Packing Tips here) – Upfront: Make friends with a brilliant travel adviser. Get on the books of a highly recommended adviser and never go overseas without one at your side. Incidents happen, and you don’t want to be the one trying to navigate cancelled flights and missed connections at 2 am. Ditto travel insurance, never leave home without it.

23. Go somewhere with no wifi.

A cabin, a monastery, a remote shack. Let your nervous system remember what life feels like without constant alerts and interruptions.

24. Become a tour guide at home.

Can’t actually get away, but longing for that “traveller” feeling? Consider a part-time gig as a local tour guide. Show visitors your city’s secret lanes, viewpoints and coffee spots, dine in great places, see your hometown through fresh eyes – friends who have tried this report they meet incredibly interesting people along the way.

25. Take the train instead of flying.

Slow travel gives your brain time to catch up with your body. Nothing quite like gazing out at the world wizzing by. Japan fabulous for this style of travel.

IMAGE: Train Japan: The Essential Rail Guide to Japan by Steve Wide and Michelle Mackintosh

26. Live like a local – for a month.

Home exchange, extended stay, house-sitting. Shop where locals shop, walk (or take the local bus) instead of taxi, and learn a few phrases. Treat it as a test-run of a life you might like later.

27. Chase a festival that lights you up.

Writers’ festival, jazz, food, film. Go for the joy of being around people who love what you love.

28. Try a “mystery flight”.

Remember Mystery Flights? No longer a thing, so build your own version. Pick a day or weekend that suits, then book whatever destination is the best deal and be flexible about where you land. It takes the pressure out of over-planning and leaves you free to see what turns up. Serendipity loves this kind of trip.

29. A holiday house, without the hassle.

Pick a spot you might love a holiday house, instead of owning just stay as a regular location, as if a local. It becomes your unofficial second postcode, a bolthole, a place for space, to hear yourself think. Familiar enough for you to just slide into whenever you see an opportunity.

30. Ask someone wise about what they might wish they had “done more of (and less of)”.

Over a drink, at a dinner table, on a walk. People’s “if I had my time again” stories are powerful navigation aids.

31. Record the stories of the people who made you.

Ask your parents, aunties, older friends: How did you grow up? What do you wish you’d done sooner? What do you hope we remember you for? Hit record on your phone.

32. Go somewhere purely for nature.

Forest, snow, desert, ocean. No big agenda except to be in the elements and let your brain breathe.

33. Take a “values trip”.

Pick one core value: adventure, learning, contribution, beauty, and design a weekend around it. Let that value lead, see where you end up. I have taken a random weekend “online course” and rediscovered long-lost primary school friends. Much serendipity comes when we step outside our usual patterns and don’t over plan.

34. Set up a marble bowl of joy.

Choose a beautiful bowl and fill it with one marble for each month you hope to have ahead. Once a month, take one marble out, sit quietly and ask: How did I use that month? How do I want the next one to feel? A tangible reminder to be bolder with the time we have.

MID-LIFE MOJO & STYLE

Creative Life, Visible You

35. Wear the bikini – in public, cause you can (if you always meant to).

Choose a beach, a pool, or a rock platform, take a breath, and let your skin feel the sun and water. The point is refusing to sit out your own life on the sand. Life is too short to spend it on the sidelines. Dive in. Besides, no one is really watching – most people are too busy worrying about their own bits, pieces, and jiggles.

36. Wear the good dress.

Stop saving your favourite things for rare occasions. Today is the occasion.

37. Buy the statement coat, or whatever you have had your eye on for a long time.

Treat yourself with “investment” purchases occasionally that you imagine in your life for years to come, rather than a proliferation of randomness and over consumption. Try sites like Vestiare Collective and The Real Real for barely worn treasures at much reduced prices.

38. Go grey, go short, go blonde. Just, go you.

Use your hair as a declaration of where you’re heading next, not who you used to be. Chopping 30cms off my locks was one of the defining moments of my life. Suddenly, the lighter, sunnier version of myself reflected in my hairdresser’s mirror. Cathartic and bold!

39. Book the photo shoot you’ve been avoiding.

Not for vanity. For visibility. For evidence that you existed in this chapter, too. And you WILL look back and see how beautiful you are, so move that thought into the present, how beautiful you are NOW.

40. Relearn the art of the long bath.

Phone out of the room, something gorgeous to read or listen to, door locked. You’re not on call in the tub.

41. Host a salon night (not the hair kind).

Invite a few good humans. Everyone brings a poem, article, question or song. Talk about life, not just laundry and logistics.

42. Curate a playlist for your second act.

Songs that remind you of who you were before life got so crowded, and who you want to be now.

43. Find a signature scent for your next act.

Choose a fragrance that feels like you now, not what you wore at 25. One spritz as you walk out the door; to work, the shops, or dinner alone – is a small, invisible reminder that this chapter belongs to you too. If you really want to pull out the stops go bespoke!

44. Write it down.

Use these Journal Prompts and Book Club Questions as a starting point, then add your own.

REAL TALK

Long-term Relationships and Reminders

45. Ditch the Guilt.

Caring about your own life does not cancel out your love for others. It makes that love more sustainable. I wrote more about this here.

46. Treat mid-life as a blink-wake-up, not a crisis.

You’re untethering. Use that awareness to design what comes next. Treat yourself like A Project, ideas for how on The Podcast.

47. Stop wearing burnout as a badge.

If exhaustion is your default setting, something has to give – and it doesn’t always have to be you. “Good enough” at home and work can be glorious if it means you’re still standing. Over dinner recently, a friend told me she was done with chasing 100 per cent. From now on, she said, she was moving through life in “60 per cent mode” – 60 per cent organised, 60 per cent on top of things, and a whole lot more alive. I loved that. Consider this your permission slip to aim for about 60 per cent and call it good.

48. Rewrite the story you tell about who you are.

Not “I used to be someone.” Try: “I’m a capable woman with decades of experience and a point of view that matters.” Go forth and share that with the world. And if you need a hand reinvigorating a flagging career, help is out there and several States also have “back to work” training grants from time to time. Research and retrain.

49. Show your kids what fully alive looks like.

They don’t need a martyr. They need a model. Let them see you; try, rest, learn, travel, change your mind.

50. Validate the mental load – out loud.

With your partner, your kids, your friends. Name all the invisible work, and take Your SPACE Prescription quiz.

51. Have a Dear Bloke in Your Life?

Ask about each other’s dreams. At the dinner table, on a walk, over coffee. “If you had a year to do anything at all, how would you spend it?” Then really listen to each other’s answers. You will find more Dear Blokes tips here.

52. Don’t wait for a breakdown to take a break.

The world will not collapse if you step out. You might, eventually, if you never do. Take the time-out before your body demands it. I did a Shirley Valentine, you don’t need to be that extreme, but you do need to protect your space carefully.

WHERE TO FROM HERE?

53 and beyond…

If any of these ideas have landed anywhere in your chest – a nudge, a lump in the throat, an eye-roll of recognition – that’s your cue.

You don’t have to do all 52. You don’t have to do any of them. If you do embrace some, remember the aim is not perfection – 60 per cent and a bit of joy will do nicely.

Three simple next steps:

Take your SPACE Prescription and see, in black and white, just how much you already contribute – and what kind of time-out you’ve earned.
Choose one idea from this list TODAY and give it an actual date and time – put it in your diary like you would a work meeting.

TAKE THE SPACE PRESCRIPTION TEST HERE >

S.P.A.C.E.

Read A Grown Up’s Gap Year and treat it as your roadmap to this next chapter – or forward this to a friend and plan something together.

A GROWN UP’S GAP YEAR READING & VIEWING LIST

Companion Pieces

BOOKS TO SPARK SOMETHING

I Feel Bad About My Neck by Nora Ephron

Essays on ageing, marriage, handbags and necks from the woman who wrote When Harry Met Sally. Smart, funny, and painfully honest about what it means to grow older in a body that has its own ideas. A reminder that mid-life is ridiculous and tender all at once.

READ HERE

These Precious Days by Ann Patchett

A beautiful collection of essays on friendship, time, writing and what we do with the days we’re given. Less “how to live” and more “here’s what I noticed, come sit beside me”. Perfect if you’re craving depth without being told what to do.

READ HERE

The Half-Known Life: In Search of Paradise by Pico Iyer

A travel writer rethinks the whole idea of “paradise” – from Belfast to Varanasi to Kyoto – and gently suggests it might be less about a perfect place and more about how we turn up to our imperfect, present life.

READ HERE

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

The modern creativity classic. Morning Pages, Artist Dates and permission to make bad art while you remember what you love. Ideal if you feel flat, stuck or “not creative” but can’t quite bear another vision board.

READ HERE

Wellmania: Misadventures in the Search for Wellness by Brigid Delaney

An Australian journalist road-tests the wellness industry with equal parts curiosity and side-eye. Perfect companion if you’ve ever found yourself “trapped by treatments” and wondered if there’s a saner way to feel better.

READ HERE

Prime Time by Bec Wilson

Numbers, super, pensions and the second half of life – but in language a normal human can understand. A helpful backdrop if you’re dreaming of time out and want to know how the money side might actually work.

READ HERE

Wild by Cheryl Strayed

A woman walks herself through grief and regret on the Pacific Crest Trail. You don’t have to lace up boots or change your postcode to recognise the ache of “what now?” in these pages.

READ HERE

Tracks by Robyn Davidson

An Australian classic. Four camels, one dog, one woman crossing the desert because she wants to see what she’s made of. A reminder that you’re allowed to do something big for reasons that make sense only to you.

READ HERE

Fear of Flying by Erica Jong

A gloriously frank classic 1970s novel about a married writer who realises she might be more than the role she’s been squeezed into. Yes, it’s famous for the sex, but underneath it’s really about a woman trying to reclaim her head, her time and her choices. A reminder that asking “What about my life?” is not a midlife glitch – it’s a perfectly reasonable (age old) question.

READ HERE

FILMS FOR PLOTTING YOUR OWN ‘A GROWN UP’s GAP YEAR’

Shirley Valentine (1989)

A fed-up Liverpool housewife talks to the kitchen wall, then one day says yes to Greece. Minus the Greek lover, this is the original “I went away for a bit and came back different” story, my story too.
STREAM ON FOXTEL

Under the Tuscan Sun (2003)

Post-divorce, she accidentally buys a crumbling villa in Italy and slowly builds a life out of food, neighbours and stubborn renovation. A love letter to starting again, one small fix at a time.
STREAM ON DISNEY +

The Holiday (2006)

Okay so maybe “fluff”, still love re-watching. Two women swap homes across continents to escape heartbreak and stuck habits. House swaps, solo wandering, unexpected friendship – and proof you don’t always need a grand plan, just a change of scene.
STREAM ON STAN, NETFLIX, FOXTEL, AMAZON PRIME, PARAMOUNT AND DISNEY +

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2011)

A group of British retirees relocate to a chaotic “retirement hotel” in India and discover life isn’t finished with them yet. A good reminder that it’s never too late to try a new country, a new friendship group or a new self. And oh how I want to “end up here” when that time comes.

STREAM ON DISNEY +

Good Luck to You, Leo Grande (2022)

Emma Thompson as a retired teacher who hires a sex worker to finally experience pleasure. Two people in one hotel room talking about shame, ageing bodies and what we were never taught about sex.

STREAM ON STAN, FOXTEL AMAZON PRIME and NETFLIX

My Brilliant Career (1979)

A young Australian woman choosing writing and independence over the “sensible” marriage everyone expects. Useful to watch as a grown-up and ask, “What did I shelve back then that still matters now?”
STREAM ON ABC iVIEW

The Change (TV)

Linda turns 50, realises she’s menopausal and massively over-invested in housework, then quietly leaves her lazy husband to live in a caravan in the Forest of Dean. What starts as a “I just need to think” escape turns into a feminist housework action group, druids and all. Very funny, very British, and a brilliant watch if you’ve ever mentally itemised who does what at home.

STREAM ON SBS

Fleishman Is In Trouble (TV)

On the surface, it’s about a 41-year-old divorced dad in Manhattan juggling kids, work and app-based dating when his ex-wife disappears. Stay with it: the perspective flips, and what looks like “difficult wife” territory becomes a sharp look at ambition, marriage, burnout and the cost of carrying everything. Excellent if you want a smart, uncomfortable, very human take on modern relationships and the mental load.

STREAM ON DISNEY +